Tony and I went to Give Blood. We were both excited to help out in such a special way. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do it. I sat there waiting for him as I watched the blood flow from his vein, and feelings of "I'm not doing anything to help" or "I'm not doing enough" began to flood my mind. Now, in my heart, I know that's a complete lie, but, in that moment, it's how I felt.
The last few weeks have been overwhelming as so much need [on top of the normal] has arisen in Tondo. And while we have been able to feed, pray for and support hundreds of families, it sometimes doesn't feel enough.
My heart has been hurting watching all the amazing NHS in the UK working so hard, and we have made a point of 'clapping from afar' each Thursday in support. But, it hurts that I can't be there to use my Nursing skills and support my previous colleagues.
My inbox has been flooded with messages of people asking for prayer, financial support and needing healing. I've had video calls with friends who are being abused by their spouse, and friends who are isolated alone who are desperate for love.
I've recieved news of people I know and love who have died from the virus, and family members fighting for their life.
And, I just wanted to Give Blood. To feel like I was actually doing something to help.
And then, as I'm sitting there waiting for Mr Gideon, feeling overwhelmed, I realise [again] that in all of this, still, Jesus is actually just interested in my heart.💛
And, Breathe.
And, it doesn't matter if I am in Tondo or not. It doesn't matter if I am in the UK or USA. It doesn't actually matter if I send money to help, or not. Or if I exercise today or not. Or if I don't finish our website, or write a blog, or Give Blood even.
It's actually not about anything that we do. It's all about the posture of my heart.💛
And, I don't know about you, but, I find that reminder quite freeing in the crazy times that we find ourselves in.
And [News Flash, Leah], I don't have to fix everything! I actually just have to lean back into Loving arms of my Heavenly Father. And for Him [God] that is all that's required. And everything else will flow out of that. ❤️
So here's to being still. Here's to keeping my heart healthy and whole. And here's to trusting that even when we don't see it or feel it, He is working on our behalf ❤️🙏🏼🌈
[this little post came from a text conversation I had with one of my best sisters in Africa, I hope you are encouraged]
❤️❤️🙏🏼